Getting married is one of the most exciting moments in life! You’re happy, in love and dreaming about the amazing future ahead. However, amid all the excitement, it’s easy to overlook an important topic: finances. While not the most romantic conversation, discussing money is crucial and should ideally happen during the dating phase — long before exchanging any rings!
I’ll admit my husband experienced this firsthand while dating. (Perks — or maybe challenges — of being married to a financial planner!) As our relationship grew more serious, and we began planning our future, finances naturally became part of the conversation. He revealed that he had some credit card debt and I shared my perspective: I felt it was important to pay off the debt before he spent money on an engagement ring. I explained that it wouldn’t feel great wearing something that could have otherwise reduced his financial burden. That honest conversation set the stage for a stronger financial foundation and gave us peace of mind when we eventually got engaged.
To help others set their relationships up for financial success, here are seven questions to discuss with your partner before marriage. These conversations are intended to provide clarity, foster trust and help you align your financial goals for the future.
1. How would you describe your financial personality?
This question sets the tone by identifying whether your partner is a saver, a spender or somewhere in between. Understanding how they think about money provides insight into their financial habits and budget priorities.
2. What’s your biggest financial success?
This is a great way to uncover how your partner defines success and approaches goal setting. Financial achievements are often tied to larger life goals, and this question can reveal their values and motivations.
3. What’s your biggest financial failure?
This one complements the previous question, which dives into accountability and resilience. Learning how your partner has handled financial setbacks provides insight into their growth and problem-solving skills.
4. What are your money fears?
Expanding on their financial personality, this question uncovers deeper concerns. Understanding money-related fears can guide you both in creating a budget and setting savings goals that ease those anxieties.
5. How were you raised to think about money?
Our financial habits often stem from childhood experiences. Did your partner grow up in a two-income household? Were they encouraged to be financially independent or supported in every way? Discussing these influences helps you understand them better and also sparks conversations about how you’d like to approach budgets and finances as a couple— and possibly as parents.
6. How should we structure bank accounts and bills after marriage?
Combining finances can be tricky, especially if incomes or expenses differ significantly. This conversation requires transparency about earnings and spending habits. Discuss whether to merge accounts, keep them separate or find a hybrid approach that works for both of you. Also, consider factors like community versus separate property laws, which could play a role depending on where you live. You could also consider working with a CFP® professional to help understand what might work best for you as a married couple.
7. What do you want out of your money?
This big-picture question ties everything together, focusing on long-term financial goals. Whether it’s saving for a home, traveling or retiring early, this discussion helps you align your aspirations and create joint budget goals. Documenting these shared objectives can keep you both accountable and motivated.
Bonus Tip: Don’t Skip the Credit Talk,
Your credit scores play a significant role in your financial health as a married couple. Be open and honest — exchange credit reports and discuss any issues. Transparency here may save you from future financial surprises.
Why These Conversations Matter
Talking about money might initially feel awkward, but it’s essential for building a healthy, lasting relationship. According to Fidelity’s 2024 “Couples & Money” study, one in four couples say money is their biggest relationship challenge, and 45% still argue about finances occasionally. While disagreements are inevitable, open communication about finances can help manage conflict and strengthen your partnership.
To try to make these conversations more enjoyable, consider turning them into a date night. A relaxed, fun environment might make it easier to tackle tough topics. Grab some snacks, pour your favorite drinks and start building your financial future together.
Now go have those money conversations — you’ve got this!
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