As a Gen Xer, I understand the feeling of being sandwiched between kids who want to live their best life and parents who need our support. This isn’t a new problem in society, but it is new — and often overwhelming — for many Gen Xers facing it for the first time. Balancing the financial and emotional needs of multiple generations can be a draining experience. So, how do you prioritize both financial and emotional support without losing yourself in the process?
The first step is understanding where you stand today. There are plenty of software tools that can help you assess your financial situation, but you can also start with a simple list. Document your current assets, such as 401(k), IRA, Roth IRA, bank accounts, and home equity, as well as your debts, including mortgages, car loans, and student loans. Then outline your financial goals, both short term (such as college savings or a home renovation) and long term (such as retirement). Are you on track to meet those goals? Where is there flexibility if life throws you a curveball?
For most clients, the ultimate financial goal is a comfortable retirement. That begins with knowing how much you’ll need each month to maintain your current lifestyle in retirement. Once you have that number, the next step is to determine what your actual income in retirement will be. Review your Social Security and pension estimates (if applicable), then total your retirement savings and apply a conservative withdrawal rate — often 4% annually — to estimate the income your portfolio can reasonably generate. This gives you a clear sense of whether your retirement goal is on track or needs adjustments.
Weighing How to Help
With a clearer understanding of your personal goals and capacity, you can begin to think about external goals — those involving your children or aging parents. It’s important to evaluate which of these goals you’re genuinely willing and able to help with, and which ones you may need to step back from. It’s OK to say “No.” Supporting someone else can directly impact your own timeline and goals. Will this mean you have to work additional years? Will you have to delay a dream vacation or downsize future plans? These trade-offs should be carefully considered.
If you decide to help, plan strategically. Under current IRS rules, in 2025, you can give up to $19,000 per person per year without triggering gift tax (consult your tax preparer if you exceed this amount). You can also avoid gift tax by paying down someone’s tuition or medical bills directly. If you need to dip into retirement accounts such as an IRA or 401(k), be aware of potential penalties and income tax based on your age and withdrawal timing. If you’re still employed, check whether your retirement plan allows loans — that could be a more tax-efficient option.
As CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® professionals, we focus on how these decisions affect your financial well-being. But just as important are the emotional costs of saying “yes” or “no.” Maybe saying “yes” means staying in a job longer than you wanted or delaying other personal milestones. Understanding the full scope of sacrifice — financial and emotional — can help you make confident, intentional decisions when supporting loved ones.
Get started on securing your financial future today
Find a CFP® professional